Release Blitz: Magnificent Bastard by Lili Valente
Title: Magnificent Bastard
(Super Sexy Standalone)
Author: Lili Valente
Genre: Contemporary Romantic
Comedy
Release Date: April 25, 2016
F*&k Prince Charming. Sometimes,
you need a Magnificent Bastard.
Face it, ladies: love sucks
and then you cry…while your ex rides off into the sunset banging
your best friend.
But why let a break-up end in tears when it
can end with sweet revenge? Enter Magnificent Bastard Consulting and
me, chief executive bastard. I’ve got it all—looks, brains, a
heart of gold, and the killer instinct guaran-damn-teed to make your
ex regret the day he said goodbye.
With the help of my virtual
assistant, I’ve built an empire giving broken-hearted women the
vengeance they deserve, while keeping myself far from the front lines
of the heart. Life is a bowl of f*&king cherries, until my
virtual assistant shows up on my real doorstep for the first time,
begging for a Magnificent Bastard intervention of her own.
F*&king
hell. She’s a bona fide sex kitten.
I pride myself on being
a true pro, but pretending to be her lover soon leads to giving it to
her good, hard, fast, and up against the wall. And somewhere between
getting balls deep in my sweet and sexy assistant and watching her ex
beg for a second chance, I break every last one of my damn
rules—professional and personal.
So what’s my next move?
Fight for the girl who makes me want to get up on a white horse and
ride to her rescue, or stay a Magnificent Bastard to the
end?
Warning: MAGNIFICENT BASTARD is a stand-alone erotic
romance told from the hero’s point of view. No cliffhanger. Lots of
dirty talk.
Playlist
Picture this: it’s a rainy spring day
in the city. The streets are covered in a fine layer of mud and soggy
garbage, the sun is a distant memory from another, brighter time,
when you were still stupid enough to believe in happy endings, and
you’ve just been dumped so hard your heart looks like it’s gone
three rounds with Mike Tyson. You’re ugly crying in a corner with a
box of wine and a chocolate bar the size of your forearm, wishing
Prince Charming would come scoop you up on his white horse and carry
you far away from all those nasty memories of Mr. Wrong, but I’m
here to tell you, ladies—
You need to stop that shit.
Stop it. Right now.
Why? Because Prince Charming is a crock
of shit. He doesn’t exist and even if he did, he’s a fucking
wimp.
When you’re down and out and your
heart has been ripped to shreds by an asshole with a dickish-side a
mile wide, you don’t need Prince Charming. You need a man who’s
not afraid to get his hands dirty, a man who can teach Mr. Wrong a
thing or two about what it feels like to be deceived, betrayed, and
laid low by the one person in the world you thought you could trust.
What you need is a Magnificent Bastard, your very own one-man
vengeance machine.
Love isn’t a fairy tale, sweetheart;
it’s war, and now you’ve got a soldier with an anti-asshole
missile on your side.
Want to ruin your ex’s reputation? No
problem. Every true asshole has a few skeletons in his closet and I
specialize in making skeletons dance out of the darkness and into the
light. Want to send that fucker to jail? A little harder, but often
still possible. I only accept cases involving the very worst examples
of mankind, the most miserable liars and cheats and scoundrels. Those
types tend to be good at covering their tracks, but I’ve delivered
exes locked in police cuffs before.
Want to make your former lover green
with envy? Make him wish he’d never kicked you off the love wagon,
spat in your face, and walked away? Well, that, cupcake…that’s
what I’m best at.
I’ve been blessed with a face that
turns heads, worked hard for a body that inspires shudders of lust at
twenty paces, and honed my envy-inspiring skills into a razor sharp
weapon I wield with ruthless efficiency. I will make you feel like a
queen and ensure your ex doesn’t miss a minute of it. You’ll be
treated like an irreplaceable treasure, pampered like a princess, and
kissed like a slut who can’t get enough of my magnificent dick.
In reality, of course, things between
us will never go further than a kiss, but your ex won’t know that.
He’ll see your flushed cheeks, lust-glazed eyes, and wobbly legs
and think I’m giving it to you hard every night.
He’ll imagine my hands on your ass,
my fingers slipping between your legs, and your pussy slick and
dripping just for me. He’ll imagine you screaming my name while you
ride my cock and remember all the times he was lucky enough to be
balls deep in your incomparable snatch. Before long, he’ll have a
jealousy hard-on so bad he’ll come crawling back to you on his
belly, begging for a second chance.
But you won’t give it to him.
Did you hear that? Even so, it bears
repeating—
You. Will not. Give that fucking loser
a second chance.
By the time I’m through with you, you
will know deep down in the marrow of your bones that you’re better
than that. You’ll understand that you deserve a man whose eyes
won’t wander, whose hands won’t hurt, and whose heart belongs to
you and only you. By the end of our time together, you will be able
to look down at the sniveling, pathetic, limp-dicked excuse for a man
you used to love and tell him that he has no power over you.
Not anymore. You will be free to move
on with your life without any of the ugly, bad breakup, psychic
baggage.
And that, gorgeous, is the most
important of the services I deliver. I give you back to you, the only
person who can be trusted to steer your course as you ride off into
the sunset.
But if for some reason, you break this
all-important rule. If you sour the gift you’ve been given by going
back to Major Dickweed, don’t bother contacting me again. No amount
of money will convince me to pick up the phone.
A Magnificent Bastard intervention is a
once in a lifetime opportunity. One and done, no exceptions.
None.
Not even for her, the woman who made me
break all my other rules, the woman who made me think—for one
amazing week—that even magnificent bastards can live happily ever
after.
U.S.A. Today Bestselling author
Lili Valente has slept under the stars in Greece, eaten dinner at
midnight with French men who couldn’t be trusted to keep their
mouths on their food, and walked alone through Munich’s red light
district after dark and lived to tell the tale.
These
days you can find her writing in a tent beside the sea, drinking
coconut water and thinking delightfully dirty thoughts.
Lili
loves to hear from her readers. You can reach her via email at lili.valente.romance@gmail.com or like her page on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorLiliValente
You
can also visit her website: www.lilivalente.com
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